Friends, do you have trouble telling the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? Do they all seem the same to you? Do you cringe when a politician of whatever stripe waltzes around a straightforward question and spews malarkey? Do you need a Who’s Who in the Swamp? Have you not even stopped puking because some Dem sexted pix of his junk to a grade school student before a Republican is caught accosting travellers in an airport men’s room? Well, I’m here to help. You see, it’s easier than you might think. The trick is not to fixate on mealy mouthed bloviation or disgusting behavior because that is not where the difference lies.
Imagine a fat cat with stacks of cash. He’s a greedy pig who’s never rich enough, he always wants more. If only he didn’t have to pay so much tax, or fret about emission standards or dumping toxic waste into the local river! Life would be so much sweeter then. And guess what. Help is on the way. The government controls all that stuff so all he needs to do is get a friendly government. Question is how?
The answer is as old as government itself. Hired hands. He buys elected officials. And does he care whether he buys Democrats or Republicans? Of course not. He doesn’t care if his puppet has four heads, different color hair on each head and is a babbling nincompoop. He cares about one thing and one thing only. He or she must vote the right way.
And here is the clear difference between the parties. A Republican is on record as being for business, for lowering taxes, for lowering emission standards, for, in short, just about every blessed thing our fat cat needs. A Democrat, conversely, no matter how willing to cooperate with our fat cat, is on the record as being opposed to such things. In other words, any Democrat he buys has to say one thing and do another, a difficulty no Republican faces. Think Joe Manchin or Kyrsten Sinema. Naturally, then, our fat cat prefers to bribe Republicans. Certainly he hedges his bets by slipping a few shekels to this or that Democrat, especially in places where they are sure to be elected, but, all things considered, for him it’s a simpler world that’s Republican. Look it up. Look at donations made by this or that corporation to both a Democrat and a Republican and you will always find the Republican got the larger lagniappe. The next step, finding these dirtbags, turns out to be easy since, lo and behold, they’re looking for him! They want nothing more than to be his bitch.
Imagine an immoral creep who doesn’t give a rat’s ass for the public weal and cares only about number one. Easy enough. Festoon with rationalizations like “what’s good for me is good for the country”, “somebody’s gonna do it anyway, might as well be me”, etc. Consider this guy’s career choices. He’s probably not clever enough to be, say, a stockbroker, high-powered lawyer or a CEO. Maybe he even admires Ayn Rand, believes, mistakenly, it makes him sound smart. Politics is obviously the field for him.
OK then, gotta pick a party. Gee. Tough call. He’s only going blue if he really, really has to. Same reasons as the fat cat. Then he needs to get elected and even he is sharp enough to realize that “Vote for me so I can screw you over and get paid by big biz” makes a pretty awful stump speech. Not to worry. If he can’t reach the promised land with his stand on the issues he can always go with the GOP’s comprehensive menu of non-issues: Obamacare, Planned Parenthood, illegal immigrants, prayer in school, ten commandments in city hall, honoring our history with Confederate monuments, belting out the national anthem before kickoff, etc. It’s soup to nuts, or maybe red meat to nuts.
Bottom line, one party is custom built for chicanery with big biz and the other isn’t. And that’s the truth.
