1946 anno domini found the world at peace. Except for the Jews, Arabs, and Brits in Palestine. And the French and Viet Minh in Vietnam. And the Muslims and Hindus in India. But hey, there’s always something, right? No reason to nitpick. We Gillons first holed up with Pop’s parents on Regent Street.
Till it got a bit crowded when Uncle Bill showed up with his French wife and her son. Bill had been an Army medic, Nanette had been a French whore. Bill had an interesting sense of humor, what with his mother being mega Catholic. All three of her sons had gone to West Catholic and family legend had it she was the first honorary female Christian Brother in North America. Who even knew there was such a thing? Also, according to family legend, she claimed to have had sex just the three times that resulted in her three sons. You might wonder, how could such a gossip tidbit come about? Did she tell someone? I think it might have happened like this:
SETTING: Dining room table at Regent Street.
AT RISE: Grandpop sits at the head of the table, per Grandmom’s instructions. She sits at the foot. Along one side are Christian, Nanette and Bill. On the other, Mom, me and Pop. Grandpop beams, Grandmom sits bolt upright. Mom takes advantage of my every move to fuss with me. Pop looks at his plate, Bill looks around smiling, Christian hunches down trying not be seen and Nanette stares into space.
POP (looking up): So Bill. France. I never made it out of the country.
BILL: Count your blessings.
GRANDPOP: We’re all very proud of you Bill. (Turns to Nanette). It must have very hard for you Nanette.
NANETTE: But yes. Mais J’ai combattu la guerre avec ma chatte.
BILL (translating): She was in the Resistance.
(LITTLE JOE farts). Grandmom glares at him.
NANETTE: Resistance? Non, non, je ne pas resiste! Je leur ai donne tout le clap!
BILL: She was a saboteur.
GRANDPOP (impressed): Well, well, another war hero!
NANETTE: Oui, exactement. Le saboteur! (She laughs). Je ai donne le clap a des centaines d’Allemandes! (She looks around triumphantly).
(Christian stares in awe, as he might look at Audie Murphy).
NANETTE (seeing that no one but Bill and Christian understand): Hundreds! Une maladie venerienne!
CHRISTIAN (incredulous): Centaines?
NANETTE: Oui, oui, mon petit porc nazi. Peut-etre une mille!
GRANDMOM (sniffing): Well, I’ve only had sex three times, once for each son.
(Everyone stares).
NANETTE: Pauvre chose.
GRANDMOM (Looking at Pop): At least she’s Catholic.
