My feet hung over the edge of the pew. I was very excited. I had never been to God’s house before, though I had often heard the tolling of the bells. The grown-ups knelt on red padded kneelers. Many rested their rumps against the pews behind them but not Pop. Pop knelt up straight. Mom wasn’t there. She was a Methodist and didn’t have to go to church. It was okay though because she was a good person so God wouldn’t send her to Hell.
Good people could go to Heaven even if they weren’t Catholic but Catholics could only go to Heaven if they were good Catholics. Non-Catholics just didn’t know any better and God didn’t hold that against them. Probably someday Mom would know better and be a Catholic.
Some folks were looking around or peeping at their watches, but most were watching something up front. I couldn’t tell what since all I could see besides the grown-ups around me was the ceiling far above. It wasn’t flat like our ceilings at home. This ceiling swooped into the air. There were pictures of men and women and flying babies and angels. None of them wore shirts or pants or shoes. They all wore sandals and sheets that blew around a lot. Except for the Roman soldiers. They wore red skirts and metal shirts and shiny helmets and they held swords and spears and shields and had big muscles. You could tell the archangels because they were bigger than the other angels and had huge wings and flew around blowing trumpets and waving swords.
God sat in the center on his heavenly throne that rested on puffy clouds. He was surrounded by all the saints, apostles and disciples, and on either side were Jesus and His Mother. A shining white pigeon hovered over God’s head but that was okay since it was the Holy Ghost and He never pooped. I didn’t know why the Holy Ghost looked like a bird instead of Casper. Maybe it was because he was sometimes called The Paraclete.
Ghost 
Paraclete 
Holy Ghost
Everyone but the soldiers had little gold plates behind their heads. God looked like Santa Claus except He wasn’t laughing and had bare feet. Did He have to trim his toenails? Mom trimmed mine, which I didn’t like. God didn’t have a mother, but Mary was Jesus’s mother so maybe she cut God’s toenails. The old lady next to me fingered her beads and mumbled. Maybe she was a saint on earth like Grandmom.
Suddenly everyone stood up and God boomed out a story about Jesus in the temple and how smart He was. Mary and Joseph left town and didn’t notice Jesus wasn’t with them so they had to go back for Him. My parents did that with me once too, when they’d “had a bit too much” at a party.
Then everyone sat back down and settled in. Some of them rubbed their noses or peeked at each other but Pop and most of the others watched up front as God scolded them for not being good. God had a big booming voice. The more God talked the more people coughed and yawned. After a while God said the women’s club would meet on Tuesday night at 8, and that Bingo would be held in the school auditorium at the usual times. Who knew God paid such attention to detail?
